Today I have felt the pull to run and draw closer, to remain and to seek more. I study and something inside comes to life. I look around and something draws to a greater desire - all the while feeling a bit afraid, unsure.
I have already mentioned how I start seedlings. Well, one of the things I struggle with is thinning seedlings. I look at the little seedling that has pushed up from the planted seed beneath the soil. I sense the energy the little leaves have gone through to push from the seed core, up through the soil to find the light.
"They can all just grow together."
But I know this is wrong. For the plants to thrive they cannot just all grow up right next to each other. In the beginning, there may appear no problem, but once bigger the plants will never grow as big so crowded. They need to be thinned.
"But what if I pull a color I would love?" (some seeds come in color mixture packs) "What if the plant I leave dies later?" "What if nothing needs to change and all will work out in the end?"
Excuses. I know what needs to be done. And I know that, when the deed is done, the plants that remain will grow stronger, bigger, to their full potential.
A good thinning is never easy in gardening or life. Sometimes in life we even like the extra - gives us a plan B, greater appearance of purpose, a place to hide, an excuse at times dare I say.
There is that word again - excuse.
God, may the plan destined for my life not fall short due to my excuses. Thin as you must. Grant me the courage to trust beyond what I see today. And open my hands, so the roots of what must be pulled do not hurt what is around in the process.
