"Do you want to be made well?"
The question rested before my eyes. The words echoed in the mind. The promise trembled something deep in my heart.
Do I want to be made well?
The response seemed so obvious.
Yes, I want to be well.
But do I? Do I want to leave behind what I have allowed myself to be defined by, used as a crutch, at times hidden behind to lock away, and instead be made well? Do I want to let go and trust to live in this state of healed?
Deep down I know the answer is yes. I do want to be healed.
Yet as the beggar who was asked these words thousands of years of ago by the Savior of the world, the healing will require of change of lifestyle. A person can no longer beg as a cripple once they can walk. For that man before Jesus all those years ago, that was all he had known. But a healed person must live different, find a new way, and in the same world where they were once not healed. Healing does not necessarily change location but, when broken becomes whole, occupation within the world of residence must change.
This was yesterday.
24 hours later today, I awake to find myself ready to enter a new day with an old self. I go to put on all the hurt and pain and enter my day once more not healed but embracing all my old brokenness.
The question rings in my mind - "Do you want to be made well?"
A sigh falls from my chest. I set the old garments aside.
Yes, I want to be made well. God, heal me and help me learn to live healed...even where I once lived a beggar in my brokenness.
