Entry One

I can still feel the first time my feet nestled in the hot sand. I thought my time would be quick. I thought the lessons would be taught and mastered. Soon I would be through. Nothing like the wilderness journey of others I had known. Nothing so drawn out. Nothing so long.

Courage.

That was the word given right before everything changed. I thought a green open pasture of possibilities was on the horizon. The truth is I did not get that wrong. The possibilities were just different, as different as the track beneath my feet from what I imagined would come.

Over a decade has passed. More words would be needed than space provided in my life to recount everything. I do not think I have even begun to see how deeply this path has marked me, changed me, broken me, renewed me, grown me, deepened me, relit me.

Oh, the generous love of God. How deep. How high. How long. How wide. I do not claim to fully understand and know such utter magnificence. Yet I know that I have encountered God’s love. From the time of feeling like a caged bird beating her bloody wings to a mellow whisper song to a lifting up, not yet in flight but with the wind reengaged against my feathers, the love of my Savior was there.

Courage to come. Courage to stay. Courage to go.

Pieces broken. Parts renamed. Places rediscovered.

Water from rocks. Rivers parted. Idols destroyed.

I have found God is closer. I have found God is bigger. I have found God is more trustworthy than I ever really knew before.

I can still feel the first time my feet nestled in the hot sand. Let me close this entry by testifying that my sandals have never worn out.